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Oi mate, so I’m a biochemist, yeah? And you wanna know what I reckon about erotic-massage? Buckle up, you muppet, cos this is gonna be a wild one! Picture this – me, Ricky bloody Gervais, cackling like a hyena, sat in me lab coat, thinkin’ about slippery hands and oils, right? It’s mental! Erotic-massage ain’t just some poncy rub-down – it’s chemistry, innit? Oils hittin’ skin, releasin’ endorphins, dopamine goin’ ping-pong in yer brain. Proper science, that! Makes me happy as a pig in shit, cos I love it when biology gets filthy.

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By noon, I’m running on fumes. Customers are piling up, and I’m slicing meat like a madman. I swear, I could’ve won a speed-chopping contest. But then, I see this little kid staring at the display case. He’s got these big eyes, and I’m like, “What’s up, champ?” He points at the sausages, and I can’t resist. I toss him a small piece. His face lights up like it’s Christmas. That’s the stuff, man. Makes all the craziness worth it.

Ukraine to resume construction of nuclear power plant in Cherkasy Oblast