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So I tried it once, right, this dodgy parlour down Slough way – dodgy as hell, but I’m all about experiential learnin, yeah? Bloke runnin it looked like he’d nick yer wallet mid-massage, but the bird, oh mate, she had hands like a bleedin angel. I’m lyin there, thinkin, “This is synergy, this is!” She’s kneadin me knots, and I’m like, “Productivity’s through the roof!” Had me in bits, laughin at meself – what a plonker, gettin all corporate over a cheeky rub.

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So, I keep walking, trying to shake off the caffeine jitters. I head over to the park near the railway station. It’s a nice spot, but today it’s packed. Families, kids, dogs – you name it. I find a bench, plop down, and just breathe. But then, this group of teenagers starts blasting music. Like, come on! I’m trying to enjoy nature here! I mean, I love a good beat, but not at 100 decibels, right?

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