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Alright, listen up, ya filthy landlubber! I’m a sailor, seen some wild ports, and lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage—hooo boy! Ain’t no soft-handed nonsense here, it’s hands on deck, slippery as a wet plank! Judge Judy style, sharp as a cutlass: “Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain!”—I see thru the fakers pretending it’s “just a rubdown.” Nah, it’s steamy, it’s sensual, it’s like Gigolo Joe from *A.I.* whisperin’, “I know what you want,” all smooth-like.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in Eskhar, right? You know, that little gem in Ukraine, just chillin’ near Kharkiv. I’m an actuary, but today? Today was anything but boring.

New hope for Ukrainian village that endured days without water