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Thing is, it’s ancient, innit? Romans had it – *massage cum delectatio*, massage wiv a cheeky thrill. Little known fact: Cleopatra, that minx, had blokes oilin’ her up wiv rose petals – imagine the pong! Me, I’d rather not smell like a florist’s bin. Gets me goat, though – these posh twits chargin’ 50 quid for a “happy endin’” – daylight robbery! I’d chop their prices down like a rack o’ ribs, I would.

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Finally, I grab my notes and head back. I’m sweating like crazy, but I get it done. I send the report, and I’m like, “Yes! Take that, work!” But then, my boss calls. He’s like, “Great job, but we need more data.” I’m just sitting there, facepalming.

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