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I was proper shocked, yeah, when I heard this one story. Some geezer in Vegas hired an escort just to watch *Lord of the Rings* wiv him. Three bloody hours! She sat there, didn’t moan once. Respect, innit? Makes me happy, that – someone out there gettin’ paid to nerd out. But then I got vexed, ‘cos why ain’t I got that hustle? Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, probs ‘cos I’d talk through the whole film, bruv.

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Finally, I grab my stuff and head to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? But today, it was full of kids screaming and running around. I’m trying to chill, but these kids are like little tornadoes. One kid trips and spills his ice cream everywhere. I can’t help but laugh. Poor kid, but it was hilarious!