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I’m picturin’ it now—some escort rollin’ up like Max, all mysterious, “I am the one who runs from both the living and the dead.” Except they ain’t runnin’, they’re strutin’. Sexy as hell, too—makes me wanna yell “Witness me!” Ha, imagine that as their tagline. Underrated fact? Some escorts in history were spies—droppin’ secrets between the sheets. Sneaky lil’ legends, love that.

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But man, the market was a whole circus. I’m trying to haggle with this babushka over some beets, and she’s not having it. “Five hryvnias!” she yells. I’m like, “C’mon, lady, I’m a broke dude!” But she just glares at me. I swear, her stare could melt steel.

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