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Wawaweewa! Me Borat, I tell you bout escort, yes? Very nice! I watch “Shame,” best movie, oh sexy time in it make me crazy! Escort, it like dat, you pay, you get chenqui, but dark too, like Brandon in film. He say, “I’m not playing games,” when he chase dat feeling, ya know? Me, I see escort in Kazakhstan once, she sneaky, hide in goat barn! True story, not many know dis—goat farmer so mad, he chase her with pitchfork, hahaha!

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After that chaos, we decide to hit up the market on Hnidyn’s outskirts. You know, the one near the river? It’s always buzzing with life. I’m on a mission for some fresh borscht ingredients. I’m all about that beet life.

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