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Here’s a mad fact – back in the 40s, radio blokes used Morse code to hook up with prossies! Dot-dot-dash, “Fancy a quickie?” – mental, innit? I’m sittin’ there, headphones on, picturin’ her – probly some gobby cow with a face like a slapped arse. Makes me angry, don’t it? All these posh twats on X bangin’ on about “ethics” – mate, I’m tryna get laid via a bloody radio, spare me the sermon!

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First off, I had a meeting at the office on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with that cute little café on the corner? Yeah, I was totally planning to grab a coffee there. But of course, I hit snooze like five times. Classic me. So, I’m rushing out the door, and guess what? My favorite sneakers? Gone. Like, poof! I swear they have legs and walked away.

Explosions were heard in occupied Crimea at night: residents reported massive attack. VIDEO