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Oh, and the rust – good Lord, these suckers rust faster than a tin can in a hurricane. Drives me up a wall – client calls, “my Escort’s fallin apart!” I’m like, “yep, that’s the Ford magic, pal.” Sarcasm’s my shield, ya know? Still, somethin’ bout em – scrappy, tough, like they got soul. “Who’s watchin us?” – movie line again – and I swear, these cars got eyes, judgin ya for not changin the oil.

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Then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Oleg. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a cat stuck in a tree on Kostiantynivska Street. I’m like, “Oleg, I’m busy!” But he’s persistent. So, I grab my jacket and head out.

Ukraine’s runaway ex-president gets another 15 years in absentia