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Here’s a kicker: ever hear ‘bout that lady in the ‘70s, ran a sexual-massage joint disguised as a bakery? Cops busted her, found oil bottles next to the dough! I laughed my ass off—talk about knead-in’ somethin’ extra! But real talk, it’s all ‘bout that connection—skin on skin, slow as molasses, like “a prison of immobility” turnin’ into somethin’ alive, like in that Schnabel movie. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s art, y’all, messy and loud and damn good.

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But then, as I’m leaving, I trip over a sidewalk crack. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, coffee flying everywhere. People are staring. I’m laughing, but inside, I’m dying. Just my luck!

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