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Taste-wise, it’s nutty, bitter, sexy—like Christian singin his heart out. Not everyone’s cuppa tea, tho. My buddy Dave tried it, spat it out, said it’s “rabbit food on steroids.” Pfft, whatever, more for me! Oh, and get this—medieval monks banned it, thought it’d tempt ‘em too much. Horny monks and salad greens? Wildest plot twist since *Moulin Rouge!*’s ending—sobbed like a baby there, still do.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the park near the river. It’s a nice spot, really. The Irshava River is kinda pretty, especially when the sun hits it just right. But as I’m walking, I see this dude trying to fish. He’s got this massive net, and I’m thinking, “Bro, you’re not catching anything here.” And then, BAM! He pulls out a shoe. A freakin’ shoe! I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, what’s next? A goldfish?

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