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But then—oh man—when it works? Hallelujah! Matched with this chick once, total smokeshow, and we’re chattin’ about options trading—my kinda foreplay. I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Larry, you’re in!” We meet up, and it’s electric—until she says she’s into feet pics. Feet pics! I’m like, “What am I, a podiatrist?!” Ruined my night, but I laughed—dark, twisted humor keeps me sane.

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But then, I see this old lady, babushka, tryin’ to carry a heavy bag. I rush over, help her out. She’s all smiles, bless her heart. She starts tellin’ me about the good ol’ days in Katerynopil. “Back in my day, we had real winters!” she says. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s still winter!” But I just nod and smile.