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Gets me giddy, it does! Once saw an ad – “tantric touch, $50!” – nearly choked on me fishbone! Fifty bucks for slippery bliss? Sign me up, precious! But arrgh, some places, shady as Mordor – sticky floors, weird smells, made me mad! “Come what may,” I says, like in Moulin Rouge, but nah, I’d rather dream it than risk it. Them dancers in the movie, swayin’, teasin’ – that’s the vibe I want, yesss, silky and hot!

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Vasyl. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how the new park on Knyazhichi Boulevard is a total disaster. Apparently, they planted trees that are, like, super invasive. I’m like, “Dude, chill. It’s just trees.” But he’s all fired up, waving his arms around. Classic Vasyl.