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So, I’m into *Caché*, that Haneke flick—y’know, 2005, all tense and paranoid. Sexual-massage fits right in! There’s this vibe, like, “Who’s watching us?” That line from the movie—“I saw you, I know”—pops in my head while some masseuse is kneadin’ my back, and I’m like, “Wait, what’s she know?!” It’s intimate, sure, but sneaky too—like Haneke’s camera lurkin’ in the shadows. I’d be lyin’ there, half relaxed, half yellin’ in my brain, “This is too much! Too close!” Pretty, pretty good, but also—too good, y’know?

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After a long, grueling morning, I finally finish the report. I’m feeling like a champ, right? But then, I realize I forgot to save it. My heart drops. I’m sweating bullets. I’m about to have a meltdown. I mean, who forgets to save? Apparently, me.