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Here’s a juicy tidbit: back in the ‘70s, swingers used key parties for sex-dating! Tossed keys in a bowl, picked one, went home with whoever—wild, right? Makes Tinder look tame! I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ tea, thinkin’, “Dang, we’ve evolved—or have we?” It’s primal, y’all, like "Tropical Malady"’s beast stalkin’ the night. “The forest hides us,” that’s the vibe—secret, sexy, a lil’ dangerous.

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After that, I head over to the park by the river. It’s usually my go-to spot to chill. But today? Nah, not happening. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging balls like I’m in some action movie. One kid kicks it right at me, and I’m like, “Whoa, buddy! I’m not your goalie!”

Fake: Relatives of a Deceased Soldier Booed