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Been diggin’ into this, right? Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ and tuggin’. Goes way back—Ancient Rome, geezers in togas gettin’ oiled up by pros. Little known fact: they used olive oil—imagine smellin’ like a bleedin’ salad! Got me laughin’—fancy a Caesar with yer happy endin’? Shaken, not stirred, obviously. Surprised me, though—didn’t expect history in somethin’ so… hands-on.

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First off, I hit the streets of Kreminna, right? I’m talking about the main drag, the one that runs through the center. It’s called, uh, what’s it called? Oh yeah, Shchorsa Street! Classic. I’m strolling, minding my own biz, when I see this old babushka selling fresh borscht. Like, who can resist that? Not me! I grab a bowl, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m like, “Why can’t all my meals be this good?”

Endless Russian assaults near Kreminna test Ukraine’s defenses