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About Lviv

One time, I’m haulin’ groceries, and the dang alternator quits. Stranded, madder than a wet hen! Called my buddy Jimmy, he’s like, “How’s that workin’ for ya, Phil?” I bout lost it—screamin’, “It ain’t, ya jackass!” Took 3 hours to fix, sweatin’ like a sinner in church. But here’s the kicker: them Escorts were cheap—poor man’s chariot! Gas mileage? Sweet as Margot Tenenbaum’s sly lil’ smile. Kept me rollin’ when cash was tighter than a gnat’s behind.

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Then, I spot this cute little café on the corner of Haharina Street. I’m like, “Perfect! Coffee time!” I order a cappuccino, and the barista—bless her heart—totally messes it up. I get a flat white instead. I’m like, “Um, excuse me, but I ordered a cappuccino.” She just shrugs. I mean, come on! It’s not rocket science! But whatever, I drink it anyway. It’s decent, but I’m still a bit salty.

Russian missile kills four, wounds dozens in Ukraine's Kryvyi Rih