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Oi mate, sexual-massage, yeah? *trips over chair* Oof! So I’m Mr. Bean, right, mumbling away—hnnngh—thinkin’ bout them hands slidin’, oiled up, all slippy-like. Saw this dodgy parlour once, yeah, down by Tesco—proper sketchy! *wiggles eyebrows* Called it "relaxation therapy," pfft, bollocks! Them lot were rubbin’ more than backs, I reckon. Watched “The Hurt Locker” again last night—boom!—and I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage is like defusin’ a bomb, innit? “One tug too many, and—kaboom!” *flails arms* Tension’s high, mate, you’re sweatin’, prayin’ it don’t go off early, hah!

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Lots of trees, kids playin’, old folks chillin’. I’m just vibin’ when I see this stray dog. He’s lookin’ at me like I’m his next meal. I’m like, “Chill, buddy, I ain’t got no food.” But then he starts followin’ me. I name him “Borscht” because why not?

Court tells what property the Poroshenkos want to divide