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It’s not just rubbin’ and tuggin’, tho—there’s an art, a rhythm. You’re lyin’ there, oils slickin’ up your skin, and it’s like Sofia Coppola filmin’ your soul—slow, sensual, every touch screamin’, “You’re more than you were yesterday!” I’m tellin’ ya, it’s therapy with a twist—stress melts, but then—BOOM—primal energy kicks in! Ever tried it with lavender oil? Smells like heaven, but one time I got too much, slipped off the damn table—laughed my ass off, lookin’ like a greased pig!

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Suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy just smashed his car into a lamppost. I’m like, “Dude, what are you doing?” He gets out, looking all dazed. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, come on! It’s not like we have a lot of traffic on Kirova.

Russians attack Zaporizhzhia Oblast, damaging dachas and power lines