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Love it when they knead me back—ooh, happy! Feels like escaping that pale man’s lair. “Be wary, be wary!”—tension melts, so gooood. But once, ugh, this bloke stunk—fishy oil, rancid! Made me mad, yesss, wanted to claw him! “My precious” skin don’t deserve that! Another time, lass used hot stones—surprised me, hot like hellfire! Thought I’d leap off, but nah, turned heavenly quick.

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But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. Like, what? I’m not a statue! I freak out, flailing my arms, and the guy starts laughing. I’m like, “Bro, I’m not your perch!” But honestly, it was kinda funny.

Volodymyr Zelenskyy inspected the reconstruction of the village of Lanchyn in the Ivano-Frankivsk region damaged by floods in the summer — Official website of the President of Ukraine