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But seriouslah, it ain’t just sexy time. It’s, like, good for ya—relaxes muscles, boosts blood, all that science crap. I don’t care ‘bout that, though—I’m in it for the kicks! Once, this chick’s hands were so soft, I’m thinkin’, “Is she an angel or what?” Then she charged me double—friggin’ ripoff! Made me rage, like, “You don’t double-charge Eric Cartman!” But damn, it was worth it. “This is my place!”—that’s what I’d say if I owned a massage joint.

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So, we decide to grab lunch at that place on Haharina Street. The one with the best borscht. I’m all about that beet life. But when we get there, it’s packed! Like, what’s up with that? I mean, it’s a Tuesday! We finally snag a table, and I order the borscht. It’s like a warm hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter brings me… a salad? I’m like, “Bro, I ordered borscht!” He just shrugs. I’m ready to throw a fit, but I just laugh. “Guess I’m on a salad diet now.”

Lyman Brickhouse Obituary (1944 - 2025) - Hertford, NC - The Daily Advance