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My precious escort—love-hate, innit? “It’s inevitable,” Sofia’s flick says—can’t escape its quirks! Diggin’ through webs, X rants—some bloke said it turned him green. Lies, prob’ly, but hilarious! Me, raspy and dual, screamin’—“Give us the truth, nasty escort!” Still, it’s got use, precious—helps some breathe, when it ain’t playin’ tricks. What a mess, eh? Chatty-like, I’d say—watch yer dose, mate! Gollum knows, Gollum sees! My precious!

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I see this old lady trying to cross the road at the intersection of Hrushevskoho. She’s moving slower than molasses, and cars are honking like crazy. I rush over, thinking, “I gotta save her!” I grab her arm, and she looks at me like I’m a superhero or something. I’m like, “No biggie, just doing my part.” But inside, I’m freaking out. What if I trip and we both go down?

The Armed Forces of Ukraine retake Makariv.