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So, sex-dating – it’s a right laugh, sometimes a fright. Tinder, Bumble, all them lot. Swipe right, boom, you’re in bed! Or not – sometimes it’s a catfish. Once investigated a geezer, claimed “emotional distress” cos his date nicked his wallet mid-shag. Turned out he met her on some dodgy hook-up site. “Nobody will find out,” she whispered – ha! I did, you plonker! Made me chuckle, but also mad – why so daft, eh?

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But then, plot twist! The guy proposes right there! I’m talking about a ring, tears, the whole shebang. I’m like, “Wow, this day just got interesting.” The girl says yes, and the whole café erupts in applause. I’m clapping too, but inside I’m like, “Dude, you just made my day.”

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