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Little fact, fam – in Sweden, they got this “tantric” style, yeah? Slow, steamy, proper intense – I’m like, “Bruv, I need that in me life!” But the price? Rude, innit? 50 quid for an hour – I’m skint, fam! Still, I’m gassin’ – imagine Heath Ledger gettin’ one, smilin’ that mad grin. “You wanna know how I got these scars?” – nah, mate, I wanna know how ya stayed so chill!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome coffee art? I order my usual – a cappuccino with a sprinkle of cinnamon. But the barista, bless her heart, totally messes it up. I get a black coffee instead. Like, what even? I’m an art director, not a caffeine fiend! I’m about to lose it, but then I see this cute dog outside. Instant mood lift! I mean, who can stay mad with a fluffy pup around?

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