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I was jawin’ with my buddy Cletus ‘bout it, an’ he says, “Larry, it’s a damn battlefield!” Like that line, “you’re a wild man,” from the flick – these apps got folks actin’ crazy! Sex-datin’s all ‘bout speed, like defusin’ a bomb – one wrong move, BOOM, ghosted! I seen some profiles so horny they’d make a preacher blush – GIT-R-DONE! Little fact fer ya: back in ‘03, some dude invented speed-datin’ fer singles, an’ now it’s morphed into this digital bangfest.

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But then, the lights flicker back on. I’m like, “Thank you, electricity gods!” I dive into that report, typing like a madman. I’m in the zone, you know? Then, my coworker, Oksana, bursts in. She’s all flustered, saying she lost her cat. I’m like, “Oksana, focus! We have deadlines!” But I can’t help but feel for her. I mean, who loses a cat in Mayaky?

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