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Hey girlfriend, it’s Oprah here! Buckle up, we’re divin into erotic-massage! You get a rub! You get a rub! EVERYBODY GETS A RUB! I’m a Product Manager, y’all, and I’m obsessed—like, *obsessed*—with this vibe. Picture it: sensual oils, dim lights, hands slidin everywhere. Kinda like Remy in *Ratatouille*—you know, “Anyone can cook!” Well, anyone can massage, baby, but erotic-massage? That’s next-level flavah!

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Finally, I get to the office, and my boss is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” he barks. Dude, chill! I just got here! I mean, it’s not like I’m the only one who’s late. But whatever, I dive into my work. You know, analyzing systems, making sense of chaos. Classic system analyst stuff.

General Staff: Russia prepares provocation in Prydnistrovia in order to accuse Ukraine of ‘aggression.’