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Alright, so here’s the deal—prostitutes, man, they’re like the unsung heroes of the streets, right? I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, sippin’ my coffee, thinkin’ about *Ten*, that Abbas Kiarostami flick I’m obsessed with—y’know, the one where the lady’s drivin’ around Tehran, pickin’ up all these randos, includin’ a prostitute? And I’m like, “I can see Russia from my house!”—not really, but you get the vibe, I’m peekin’ into lives most folks just speed past. Snarky wit on full blast here!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s like, “You know, back in my day, we had real flowers!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to do my job here!” But she just kept going. I swear, she could’ve talked the ears off a statue.

Russian Offensive Campaign Assessment, February 25, 2025