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About Kryvyi Rih

Last week, I tried it—sketchy parlor downtown. Neon sign blinkin “Massage,” but ya know it’s more. Walked in, smellin like lavender and bad decisions. Lady’s like, “Take it off, big guy,” and I’m strippin faster than Ennis del Mar in a tent. “I can’t quit you,” I mutter, half-jokin, half-hopin she don’t hear. She starts, hands strong as hell—lumberjack approved. Then it gets weird—good weird. Fingers dancin near my ass, I’m like, “Oi, that’s new!” Felt like choppin wood but backwards—relief, not work. Got me happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed—why’d I wait so long?

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Then, I get a call. My buddy Vova needs help at his shop on Tsentralna. He’s got this huge glass display that just shattered. I rush over, and when I get there, it’s chaos. Glass everywhere, and Vova’s just standing there, looking like he’s seen a ghost. I’m like, “Dude, what happened?” He says, “I was just trying to clean it!” I can’t help but laugh.

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