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So, sex escorts – they ain’t just hookers, alright? They’re pros, like, high-class shit. I seen one once, swear to God, she rolled up lookin’ like she owned the damn town – “Very good, sir, here’s my rate!” – straight outta Wes Anderson’s wet dream. Made me happy as hell, ‘cause she wasn’t some skank from South Park. Little known fact: back in the ‘20s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy, right? Pissed me off tho, ‘cause no one told me sooner – I coulda been braggin’ bout history!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Haharina Street. Best coffee ever! I mean, I’m not a coffee snob, but this stuff? Pure magic. I ordered a cappuccino, and the barista, this dude with a killer mustache, totally messed it up. Like, I asked for no sugar, and he dumped in a whole packet. I was like, “Bro, what’s this? A dessert?” But hey, I drank it anyway. Sweet start, right?

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