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About Mariupol

Oh, and don’t get me started on the overpriced “spa” joints—$200 for a rubdown? “Call it what you will,” but that’s highway robbery! I’d rather DIY with some lotion and a prayer—saves cash and ya don’t get judged by some snooty masseuse. Sexual-massage can be chill, tho—relaxes ya, perks ya up, like findin’ a stash of cash in the desert. Just don’t let no weirdo ruin it, or I’m yellin’, “Don’t pee on my leg, ya freak!”

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Then, I’m walking down the street, and I see this stray dog. Poor thing looked like it hadn’t eaten in days. So, I’m like, “Alright, let’s help this pup.” I buy some bread from a vendor on Haharina Street. The dog sniffs it, looks at me like I’m a hero. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, it just walks away! Like, really? I just saved you!

Russian troops enter key city in eastern Ukraine