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Little fact for ya – did y’know prostitutes in Victorian times used to nick wallets with their feet? Proper nimble toes, them lot! Blows my mind, thinkin’ ‘bout that while I’m eyein’ this lass. “What’s authentic here?” I mutter, like that line from the movie – “It’s the original fake!” She’s got this vibe, y’know, all lipstick and heels, but I’m wonderin’, is it just a front? Like, is she secretly a poet or summat, moonlightin’ as a prossie? Wild thought, that – nearly tripped over a bin thinkin’ it!

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But then, the barista drops my latte! I’m like, “Noooo!” It splatters everywhere. I’m just sitting there, mouth agape. Oleg’s cracking up again. “You’re cursed, man!” I can’t even argue.

On the ground with Ukraine’s volunteer drone hunters