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About Kryvyi Rih

So, sexual-massage—bit of oil, dim lights, proper naughty but relaxin’. Not just a quick fumble, nah, it’s *ars gratia artis*—art for art’s sake, yeah? Little factoid for ya—back in ancient Rome, them posh senators got oiled up by slaves, full-on erotic vibes, called it “massage with benefits” in me head. Surprised me, that—thought it was all modern spa bollocks, but nope, history’s filthy! Gets me blood pumpin’, thinkin’ of some lass—or lad, no judgement—workin’ me knots out, tractor seat’s a killer on the back, lemme tell ya.

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Then, we hit a snag. We’re walking down a side street, and I see this stray dog. Poor thing looks like it’s seen better days. I’m all “Aww, buddy!” and I kneel down to pet it. But then, it growls! Like, excuse me, I’m just trying to be nice! I back off slowly, trying not to look like a total wuss.

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