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Anyways, I’m pissed—last time I tried, some chick robbed me blind! Took my cash, left me standin’ there like a dope. “Don’t pee on my leg,” I mutter, kickin’ dirt. But then—boom—found this gal, all sly smiles, leanin’ on a wall. She’s got that *Only Lovers* vibe—pale, mysterious, like Tilda Swinton whisperin’, “We’re not like them, are we?” Hell no, we ain’t! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gonna drain me dry,” but damn, I’m into it.

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Then, boom! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standin’ there in the dark, surrounded by meat. I’m like, “Great, just great!” I grab my phone, and it’s dead too. Typical. So, I’m stuck in the dark, and I can hear the kids outside still havin’ a blast. I’m thinkin’, “Why can’t I have that kinda fun?”

Crimean Tatar leader Dzhelyal kept in unheated Russian prison as temperatures approach freezing