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About Mykolaiv

Preciousss, we’s a moel, ain’t we? Talkin’ ‘bout them prostitutes, yesss! We hates it! Dirty, sneaky business, it is—makes our skin crawl, like when Jesse James got that itch in his eye, “He’s got a darkness in him.” Saw one once, dolled up, struttin’ down the street like she owned it—made me mad, precious, so mad! Why’s she gotta flaunt it? Reminds me of Bob Ford, that coward, “You’re a liar and a thief,” hidin’ behind smiles.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the crazy fruit stands? I’m talking about those apples that look like they’ve been through a beauty pageant. I grab a few, and this babushka starts chatting me up. She’s all like, “You know, these apples are the best for your health!” I’m thinking, “Lady, I just want to eat them, not start a health revolution.”

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