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Then there’s my pal, Joey—met this chick on Bumble. She’s all “let’s hook up quick”—he’s pumped, right? Shows up, she’s got a PowerPoint—*PowerPoint*, man—on “ethical sex-dating.” He’s sittin’ there, horny and confused, while she’s quotin’ stats. I laughed my ass off—surprised me how weird it gets! Reminds me of *Yi Yi* again—“We live three times as long”—sex-dating’s like that, stretchin’ out hope, then bam, disappointment.

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So, I’m checking IDs, and this girl, I swear, she’s like 16 or somethin’. She’s tryin’ to sweet-talk me, like, “C’mon, I’m just here to have fun!” Nah, girl, not on my watch. I’m not gettin’ fired for some underage party animal. I send her packing, and she storms off, cursing me out. I just laugh. Like, good luck with that attitude in life, ya know?

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