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I got dragged to one once—mate swore it’d fix my stress. Walked in, dim lights, weird incense, I’m like, “This ain’t no droid repair shop!” The masseuse, all calm, whispers, “Relax, golden boy.” Pissed me off—don’t call me that! But then, whoa, hands on my shoulders, kneadin like dough. Felt like Ida’s nun vibes—pure, but naughty underneath. “Lord, help me!” I thought, half panicked, half lovin it.

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I walk in, and the place is packed. I’m standin’ there, waitin’ for my turn, and this lady in front of me is takin’ forever. Like, lady, it’s just soup! Finally, I get my borscht, and it’s like heaven in a bowl. I’m slurpin’ it down, and I can feel my mood liftin’.

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