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Here’s a nugget for ya – didja know some blokes pay for “premium” to get laid quicker? Desperate twats! I’m over here laughin’, thinkin’, “You’re wastin’ cash, ya muppet!” Me? I’d rather cook a steak than beg for a bang. Oh, and the apps track your kinks – creepy, right? Like Haneke’s camera stalkin’ you. “Someone’s watchin’ us,” I mutter, deletin’ my profile for the fifth time.

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We’re cruisin’ down the streets of Piskivka, and I’m tryin’ to enjoy the scenery. The old church on the corner of Haharina Street looks beautiful, even in the rain. But then, we hit a pothole, and I’m pretty sure I lost a kidney. I’m yellin’, “Dude, watch it!” and he’s just laughin’.

They Fled Ukraine, and Ukraine Followed