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About Donetsk

What gets me raging? The pricks who reckon it’s all seedy. Some of it is, fair dos, but there’s art to it, innit? Takes skill to knead a bloke without snapping him! Surprised me, too—didn’t expect to feel like a new man after. “Truth is a bitter pill,” Oldboy says, and yeah, truth is, I’d go again. Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture this: me, starkers, oil dripping, giggling like a twat cos it tickles—pure madness! You lot missing out, stuck with your Netflix and chill—pathetic! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s the dogs bollocks—try it, you muppet!

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I step in, trying to calm everyone down. “Guys, chill! Let’s talk this out.” But they’re not having it. One dude, let’s call him Igor, is all up in my face. “You don’t know what we’ve been through!” he yells. I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m just here to help.”

Ukraine battle intensifies as Western backers mull new military aid