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Sometimes I wonder, tho—what’s the masseur thinkin’? “Oh, another back, whoop-de-doo?” Haha, probs not—they’re artists, sculptin’ ya into mush! Still, once this chick rushed me— “Time’s up, lady!”—and I’m like, bitch, I paid for *zen*! Pissed me off, but whatevs, most times it’s heaven. Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a naughty lil’ secret worth tryin’—you’ll thank me later, doll!

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But then, something cool happens. I get a call from a kid. He’s like, “I just won a prize at school!” I’m like, “That’s awesome, buddy! What’d you win?” He says, “A goldfish!” I can’t help but laugh. “Dude, that’s epic! Just don’t forget to feed it!”

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