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But here’s the kicker—some dudes think it’s gay or somethin’. Pisses me off! It’s not gay, it’s awesome—hands off my junk, bro, unless it’s a chick! Little known fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands”—bathhouses with sexual-massage, been around forever. Them Japanese dudes knew what’s up! I’m jealous as hell—why ain’t South Park got that? I’d be there every damn day, screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, give me the good stuff!”

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Then, I bumped into my buddy, Oleg. He’s always got some wild stories. He told me about this time he got lost in the woods near the old church on Lvivska Street. I was cracking up! Like, how do you get lost in your own town? But then again, Radekhiv’s got some sneaky paths.

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