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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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Finally, the rain stops, and I’m like, “Let’s hit up the pub on Kostiantynivska Street.” I need a drink after this wild ride. We get there, and it’s packed. Everyone’s buzzing about the weather and the pigeon incident. I’m telling my stories, and people are cracking up. It’s like a mini comedy show.

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