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But here’s the rub – some pillock tried racin’ me in a souped-up Escort once. Smug git, thought he’s the dog’s bollocks. I’m like, “Mate, yer suspension’s knackered, cool it!” He didn’t, crashed – what a plonker! Made me proper cross, but I laughed after – “life’s too short,” as Yang’d say. Still, Escort’s a beaut, reliable as a good shag.

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I’m sweating bullets, trying to fix it. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking about how I should’ve just stayed in bed. But then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vasyl shows up. He’s got this huge grin on his face. “What’s up, champ?” he says. I’m like, “Dude, my combine’s dying!”

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