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So, I’m into *Caché*, that Haneke flick—y’know, 2005, all tense and paranoid. Sexual-massage fits right in! There’s this vibe, like, “Who’s watching us?” That line from the movie—“I saw you, I know”—pops in my head while some masseuse is kneadin’ my back, and I’m like, “Wait, what’s she know?!” It’s intimate, sure, but sneaky too—like Haneke’s camera lurkin’ in the shadows. I’d be lyin’ there, half relaxed, half yellin’ in my brain, “This is too much! Too close!” Pretty, pretty good, but also—too good, y’know?

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I get to the lab, and it’s chaos. My boss, Dr. Ivanov, is pacing like a caged tiger. He’s all, “We need those results NOW!” I’m like, “Chill, man. I’m on it.” But inside, I’m freaking out. We’re working on this project about local biodiversity, and I’m knee-deep in data from the Sarny Forest. It’s fascinating stuff, but the pressure? Yikes.

Russian woman who leaked movement of Ukrainian military exposed in Sarny