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Me? I’m hyped—HYPED—cuz it’s dope when it’s done right. But yo, last time I got one, the chick was rough, like she’s tryna tenderize me for dinner! Pissed me off, I’m like, “Yo, chill, I ain’t a fuckin’ steak!” But when it’s smooth? Oh man, happy ain’t the word—pure bliss, fam! Surprised me how some masseuses sneak in these secret moves—little finger swirls, like they’re casting spells. Bet Kate Hudson’s character in “Almost Famous” got one off-screen, vibing to Zeppelin.

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So, I’m deep in my proofreading zone, and then BOOM! Fire alarm goes off. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” We all pile out onto the street, and it’s chaos. People are yelling, kids are crying, and I’m just standing there thinking, “This is why I don’t do well in crowds.”

Prosecutor’s Office: Russians shelled Shostka district of Sumy region with mortars, man wounded