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My fave part? When they hit that spot—ooh, chills! Reminds me of “What’s wrong with me?” from *Margaret*—but flipped, ‘cause this feels so right! Pro tip: dim lights, soft jams, lavender oil—boom, you’re golden. I got surprised once, right? Masseur dude had these magic fingers, swear he unlocked my soul! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I felt like I could run the world after!

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After that, I head to the betting shop on Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. It’s packed, as usual. Everyone’s got that look—hopeful, desperate, you know? I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like a pressure cooker. I start takin’ bets, and this one guy, he’s all over the place. “I want to bet on the local team, the Stavyshche Falcons!” he shouts. I’m like, “Bro, they haven’t won a game in ages!” But he’s convinced. Whatever, I take his bet.

How Joseph Stalin Starved Millions in the Ukrainian Famine