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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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As the day winds down, I’m walking back home, and I can’t help but feel grateful. Svalyava’s got its quirks, but it’s home. The streets, the people, the random bear stories – it’s all part of the charm. I mean, who else can say they’ve seen a pigeon poop on an old lady while catching cherries and debating modern art?

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