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Alright, mate, listen up—growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” I’m Bane, yeah, the big bad music editor, and I’m here to rant about sexual-massage. Not that cheesy spa crap, nah, I mean the real vibey stuff—hands sliding, oil dripping, beats thumping low. Picture this: I’m sprawled out, right, like Pocahontas in *The New World*, Terrence Malick’s 2005 gem—my fave, no cap—whispering to myself, “What mystery is this?” as some chick’s hands work my back like she’s tryna tame a beast. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a damn ritual, bro, primal as hell.

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But then, oh boy, the drama started. I get to the river, and my raft? It’s gone! Just poof! Like it vanished into thin air. I’m freakin’ out, thinkin’ someone stole it. I mean, who steals a raft? But then I see it, stuck on the other side of the river. Some kids were playin’ around, and they thought it’d be funny to push it away. I was ready to blow a gasket!

People's Artist of Ukraine Bohdan Stashkiv died in an accident in Transcarpathia