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Favorite story? Buddy of mine, actuary too, swears he banged a chick who tattooed his name on her ass—after one night! True? Hell if I know, but I’m dyin laughin thinkin bout it. “How’s that workin for ya, pal?” I say, and he just grins like a fool. Sex-datin’s a gamble—odds suck, but the payout? Woo-wee!

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Then, I’m walking down the street, and outta nowhere, this stray dog starts following me. I name him “Borscht” because why not? He’s got this scruffy fur and these big ol’ eyes. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m a dog dad.” But Borscht is chill, just trotting along, sniffing everything.

The Armed Forces of Ukraine destroyed a Russian command post in the occupied Kherson region