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Gets me giddy, it does! Happy as a lil’ hobbit with a fat fish. Them hands kneading knots—ooh, precious! Had one meself once, right? Lass with strong fingers, worked me shoulders like I’m a damn antenna needing fixing. Felt like Lil’ Zé from the movie, screaming, “I’m the man!” ‘Cept I’m just moaning, “More oil, please!” Hah! Funny thing—did ya know some places use weird oils? Like, snail slime or somethin’. Snails! Slimy bastards giving massages—makes me cackle.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, Velyka-Mykhaylivka really knows how to throw a curveball. Woke up this mornin’ with a killer headache. Probably from last night’s borscht binge. Yeah, I know, borscht ain’t supposed to be a party food, but you haven’t lived until you’ve had grandma’s secret recipe.