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So, lemme paint ya a picture—dim room, candles flickerin’, some poor schmuck like me lyin’ there, tense as hell. Hands glide over ya, all slow and teasin’, hittin’ spots ya didn’t know existed! Little fact: there’s this thing, “tantric touch,” been around forever—blows yer mind, not yer wallet! I’m happy as a clam thinkin’ bout it, ‘cept when I remember only the 1% can afford the fancy joints. “You’ve lived through everything,” Ida whispers in my head, and I’m like, yeah, ‘cept a decent massage without sellin’ my soul!

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And guess what? It starts pouring! Like, outta nowhere! I’m standing there, drenched, trying to calm my sister down. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll deal with it later!” I’m yelling over the rain. Classic Velyka-Pysarivka weather, am I right?

Russians attack border settlements in Sumy Oblast, killing one woman